The other day, I pulled the Empress card from the Linestrider Tarot as my card of the day.
In tarot, the Empress is all about creativity, productivity, abundance, fertility and motherhood (among other themes and keywords).
That same day, I wrote more than I have in years. And while what I was writing wasn't the epic fantasy or action-packed sci-fi-fi I have been itching to write for years, I was still writing.
With that writing, the idea to put together a collection of personal essays and poems formed. It’s more work than I want right now, but the idea is there…so maybe eventually.
By the afternoon, I was sitting at the park with my kids, reflecting on my new abundance of creativity and the empress. I was still itching to keep writing, so I brought a notebook and pen with me to the playground. I journaled my thoughts on the empress while the kids played.
She bares her breast, proud and unabashed
- daring me to do the same.
In journaling, I learned to see the empress in a different light than I ever have before. I used to equate the empress with waiting. In most decks she's depicted as a pregnant woman. She is abundance and creativity, but she's also not ready to give birth to those ideas.
In this deck, however, she bares herself to the world and I could no help but feel that this card was calling me out to do the same.
From my journal:
"She bares her breast, proud and unabashed -- daring me to do the same.
She doesn't even turn to see if anyone is looking, a sure sign I need to do my own thing and not worry about building a platform or finding an audience.
She gazes intently at the monkey, forcing me to follow her gaze. Creativity is about fun, she reminds me.
Get back to why you loved writing -- to express yourself.
Bare your vulnerabilities and fuck who sees or doesn't see.
Be fierce, like the tiger, but keep the fun.
Normally, I view the empress as a sign to wait -- a sign I need to give my ideas time to fully form.
This empress, however, shows me there is still creativity to be had in the waiting.
Scribbles on scraps of paper eventually give birth to stores that take off in well-organized Scrivener files.
Half-assed paintings teach and perfect different techniques that will be utilized in later masterpieces.
She is not always about halting productizing and waiting for the perfect time to create. She is about learning that creativity happens between breaths. Somewhere between the idea and the manifestation is the process.
And that, she tells me, is where true creativity lies.
I've been sitting on my creative abundance for years. I have been using excuse after excuse to keep it at bay. And certainly life has played a part in all of this, there still comes a moment when I cannot keep using the same excuses over and over. I have to stop waiting for the right time and take action.
Pregnant women are given a due date, but it's rare that they give birth on that due date. The baby comes when the baby comes. My daughter was born two weeks before my due date...my son two months before his.
I cannot keep waiting. I cannot keep sitting, pregnant with ideas. At some point, I have to say "fuck it", bare my breast and let creativity flow.
Giving birth can be a long, arduous process. So can writing. But difficult as the process may be, it is still action being taken.
No more waiting. Only writing.